link: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/910815/ (link to authorpage with all three stories)
authors: Teacherbev
fandom: Harry Potter
rating: T (ff.net rating for "teen" - about PG-13)
length: very long
summary: One day, a scrawny, dirty little boy pops into Severus Snape's room while he is brewing a potion. Snape adopts him and names him Shaun, but it turns out that he is actually 4 year old Harry Potter, escaping from his relatives. Because of the trauma the child has experienced, his magic is highly advanced - and it's helped along by various other magics, like that of house elves and goblins and Merlin himself.
status: 3 complete stories, as far as I can tell - possibly more to come?
rec points: +1


I'd like to say that the summary of this three-part story is warning enough, but I don't think that's a proper review for this journal! You see, as promising as this story is, that's pretty much it. It's very episodic, with very little bad things spanning more than one or two mini-plots. It would be awesome if it were developed and pruned, particularly to remove the obvious deus ex machina that shows up everywhere. Also, the author professes that she is writing a lot of things into Shaun (Harry) that she experienced or saw in her job as a Special Needs teacher, and with her daughter (who had Cerebral Palsy, I think?).

So far, I've read through chapter 10 of the third part, but I read it mostly when I'm bored and wanting to procrastinate on my homework, so I don't know how it ends. However, I can provide a basic plotline that continues to repeat itself:

1. Shaun does something amazing or gets hurt (usually to the brink of death)
2. Snape rushes in to save him, freaks out like a loving parent does
3. One of the following happens, to save the day:
3a. A magical creature steps in and gives Shaun new powers
3b. A magical creature steps in and gives Shaun new knowledge of something he can do
3c. Snape gets a Eureka! moment and figures out how to do something crazy and new
4. Everyone laughs and cheers because the dire events have passed


Some of the things that occur during step three, in no real order:
1. Shaun learns to turn invisible and 'pop' like House Elves
2. Snape cures Lycanthropy
3. Shaun is told he's the Chosen One written about in Goblin myth and is given a crown as their leader (or something like that, I wasn't sure what happened, but it was odd)
4. Shaun gets a white phoenix familiar
5. Shaun turns into a black phoenix animagus
6. Snape makes a potion that lets someone become an animagus without all the work
7. Remus, Sirius, and Snape start a Day School for magical children -- Shaun, Neville, Terry Boot, Luna Lovegood, Parvati and Padma, and Blaise Zabini attend and learn 2nd year magic at the age of 7
8. A room is discovered (by Shaun of course) which has paintings of the Four Founders, who talk to him and the adults and give advice
9. Merlin lives in Shaun's head - probably a result of the Goblin thing - and teaches him when he's asleep


Chapter lengths vary, but they run around 6,000 words each. In my opinion, they're rather abrupt, leading to the episodic feeling. Also, everything that happens and is always so good in the end reminds me very much of a MarySue. It doesn't feel so much like a MarySue, though, so I'm going to term it "wish fulfillment." It is all just not very believable, though I keep going back to it.



In the end, I recommend this story to those who aren't horribly irritated by episodic stories or somewhat OOC Snape or that whole wish fulfillment thing. I've been reading it off and on for a month or two, and it is a nice diversion from the serious reading I do elsewhere - a bit like a romance novel, but without all that romance. Those who don't care for sweet and kind Snape should avoid it, since this is nothing like the typical Snape/Harry piece with snark and angst. On the whole, the spelling is good and the grammar is decent, so it's not really a bad story, it could just be better - the whole potential/possibilities thing.

I apologise to anyone reading this journal for the reviews, and I haven't added any since the first two. With the spring semester at university rolling around, I've been preparing by pre-reading the required texts for my American Literature class rather than any new fanfiction, and I've prioritized that to writing reviews or my own fic. (Also, I've been dabbling with the look of my personal journal, which has taken a while.)


To make up for this appalling lack of review posts, here is the list of books I read from Christmas 2004 through today, including the two I've only half-finished, but plan to finish within a couple days. After each book is a brief recommendation for or against.

( read! )

the "A Bittersweet Potion" series

link: http://www.intertexius.com
authors: Alchemia Dent and Bugland
fandom: Harry Potter
rating: chapters vary from PG through NC-17, for psychological stress, graphic sex, and graphic violence
length: epic
summary: Harry Potter gains the powers of a super-animagus, able to transform into anything. In the form of a cat, he is adopted by Snape, which leads to a complicated relationship. This isn't the only problem he has: Harry also has to deal with his bond to Voldemort and the more mundane struggle with identity that every teenager goes through.
status: WIP; 3 books finished, 1 in progress, several to come
rec poinds: +5




Beginning with such a simple premise - Harry becomes Snape's cat, this story moves on to cover complex issues brilliantly. Though several themes wind through the four books, foremost is that of identity and the search for it. When Harry receives the ability to change his form, he finds that his grasp of self is even more tenuous than ever before. Suddenly, not only is he The Boy Who Lived, Just Harry, and Voldemort-Through-Visions, but he is Snape's Cat. The problem escalates when he discovers a sexual attraction to Severus, and then again when he initiates a soul bond, which allows him to see Severus's thoughts and memories. Meanwhile, Harry is a fifteen-year-old boy who is struggling to gain maturity and acceptance, just as his peers are doing. He is lost and confused much of the time, with rare, thin strands of confidence when he knows what he wants.

The imagery is at times subtle, but always strong, giving a sense of loss and confusion that permeates each chapter, echoing the feelings of both Harry and Severus. For not only is Harry struggling to define himself and grow up, but Severus, too, is attempting to do the same, having never had a chance to be truely independent, with no one else for master. Their responses are stiking in similarity, yet completely opposite. In their cravings for affection, neither knows what to do, but while Harry clings to Severus, the older man grows colder and shoves Harry (and everyone else) away. These similarities and differences are cleverly highlighted by the occasional chapter written in Severus's point of view by Bug, though the majority of the novels are seen through Harry's eyes as written by Al.

The NC-17 rating is earned several times over, but do not think that it is a smutty story. Yes, there is sex, but it is deftly woven into the scenes as necessarily as the violence shown. Indeed, for every heartwarming sex-scene, there are at least two more that invoke cringing horror, whether as seen through Harry-as-Voldemort, or between Harry and Severus themselves. In reference to the latter, no two people as unsure about their places or acceptance can have a healthy relationship, though it is attempted. Yet even the violence and sex pale in comparison to the powerfully psychological content. With the former two removed, the pyschologically disturbing material alone would keep the rating high - it is not for the weak of heart or stomach.

However, that is not to say the entire epic is dark. There are very few fluffy chapters in the second or third novels (Procul His and Purification), but both A Bittersweet Potion and The River have plenty. As with the presentation of points of view, the lighter scenes are skillfully interspersed as necessary, adding further depth to an already well-designed plot. It is unfortunate that these scenes never last long, but their marks perpetuate, as in the stars Harry places on the ceiling of Severus's bedroom.

There is very little that could be improved upon. As previously mentioned, the imagery is fantastic and the tale is deftly woven. The darkness is offset by lightness, and each is as necessary as day and night. The themes present are portrayed by people who have experienced the issues (or something like them) themselves, therefore creating very convincing arguments for why things are so. If anything, the story is so complex that it could use occasional summaries to remind the reader of previous events. The epic might be separated into books, but they may very well be termed 'volumes,' because of how even the earliest events play important roles later on. This requires the reader to go back and reread earlier parts, which after 3 novels and another half a novel can take quite a long time, and small details can be forgotten.

I highly recommend this series to anyone who can stand the scenes necessitating the rating. It transcends 'snarry' or 'Harry becomes a cat' into so much more, it ought to be required reading for anyone wanting a deep, complex novel. If Bug and Al weren't constantly editing and improving the earlier books, it would hold a special place in my library of fic, and it is the reason I created the +5 recommendation points.

Shadow's Side Story

link: inkstained fingers
authors: Jemma
fandom: Harry Potter
rating: NC-17 for sex and violence
length: really long novel
summary: It's the middle of the war and things aren't going well. There are agents of Voldemort at Hogwarts and traps have been set for Harry Potter. To keep himself safe, he finds refuge in Snape's quarters, where they develop plans to end things once and for all.
status: complete
rec points: -3




The scope for this novel is huge. Unlike many "Snape provides a haven for Potter and they work to end the war" stories, this one glosses over nothing. Written post-OotP, it includes Dumbledore's Army, a redeemed Draco, spies and counter-spies, death, destruction, and romance. Oh, yes, mustn't forget the mystery and creepy horror aspects, either. "Shadow's Side Story" tries to show everything, but unfortunately bogs itself down in doing so, with over 177,000 words.

The elements of the story are quite ingenius and would make for compelling stories on their own. Jemma put a lot of effort into describing the atrocities, the horror, of war, and did a wonderful job creating imagery. One particular scene near the end describes Snape removing his eyeballs to give them to Potter, and it has stuck with me for weeks in its gruesomeness. (I am lucky that very few things bother my sensibilities!) There is also a very long story arch relating to Snape's childhood and family life. In separate fragments, as the chapters are titled, his childhood in an eccentric, pureblood family is detailed as lovingly as the fragments describing the 'current' time of Harry's sixth or seventh year.

It is plain that Jemma included the fragments of Snape's youth to not only show how he became who he is in the modern fragments, but to lay heavy-handed clues about his mother and sister, who play strong roles in the earlier war fragments, as one of Voldemort's people who is kidnapping Hogwarts children, and as a lucifer, respectively. They are almost entirely unnecessary. No more than a quarter of the way through the story, I stopped reading them and I was able to keep up with the modern fragments without any trouble at all. It is as though Jemma was so interested in the backstory she created that she felt it necessary to include it. I believe that instead, it would have made a compelling prequel, with plenty of merit on its own.

This is, by far, not the only flaw in the craft of the story. What hit me most strongly was that the dates of the fragment titles, the descriptions of ages within the fragments, and the descriptions of time-relationships do not match until well into the second half of the story, when the fragments cease alternating and focus instead on the war. When dates are provided, it is usually as an aid to remember when in time something is occuring, but they are no good if in one fragment, Snape is said to be four in 1961, but in another, he is said to be 11 in 1971. Similarly, the story begins in October 1997, when Harry ought to be 16 according to the internal timeline (born in 1981). This would place him in 6th year. However, several times, his year as referenced as anything from fifth to seventh. The inconsistancy makes it difficult to follow the shifting time and it is not aided by speech, which has mostly the same diction for all characters of any age. It was rather disconcerting when a six year old Snape spoke to his elder sister as a twenty year old might.

Furthermore, the sentences themselves are rather poorly done and there are several typos sprinkled throughout. Both the diction and sentence structure would be improved by reading the story aloud while editing, to check the flow and imagery. A lot of descriptions are superfluous, and point of view shifts between characters without any indication that it will do so. One might assume that the main character of the paragraph is the one whose viewpoint the reader is seeing, but even this is not a constant. Beside the point, on the topic of superfluous descriptions, I found the discussion of the D.A. to be overwhelmingly dull and contrived. The fifteen or so names for different groups - D.A.P.P.L.E., D.I.S.S., D.U.S.T., D.R.A.T., &c. - are listed with descriptions in the 17th fragment, and then spoken about in a rather unnatural way.* Out of context, it reads rather well, but it just doesn't blend well with everything else.

A lot of the problems with the story are style and mechanics, but another large one is characterization. Jemma seems to have gone with stereotypes for many characters, whether from canon or fanon, and didn't stray very far. They have very little depth, even the two main characters with all the history she has given them. They don't really live in the text, but sit there stiffly to be manipulated like puppets. Even the romance between Snape and Potter is stiff and frankly a bit absurd. It is as though she decided they ought to be having sex, so they did, with Potter having plenty of experience and Snape resisting very little. Then, quite suddenly, it was a romance of the century. Some people might enjoy this sort of thing, but I would prefer that the story lack that element and focus on the war, which is rarely enough written about in such detail.

In the end, it is the war plot that saves this novel from being utterly despised. Despite everything else being poorly done, it is vibrant and not afraid of nitty-gritty details. This does make it unsuitable for those with weak stomachs, or those who do not like long war stories, however. Plus, it is obvious that Jemma put a lot of effort into planning the story so that there would be mystery and clues, and so that hints for the end would exist at the beginning. It is commendable, but overall, she needs practice tightening her prose and working on characterisation. I recommend it for anyone who is looking for a very long story with lots of different elements, but not for other literary snobs such as myself.



* The text of the 17th Fragment I refer to is here, because I felt that it is a good example of the writing style of the story.
"The D.A., or, as we like to call ourselves, Dumbledore's Army, is a rather secret organization containing approximately one hundred and seventy students. It's been organized into a small cells, each led by a team leader who coordinates tactics and understandings with other team leaders. Of course, team leaders are not suppose to inform upon each other's participation, or name the members of their cells. In consequence, only Dumbledore has full records of each student in the D.A." Potter grinned. "And, of course Dumbledore has the final approval and input into any decision made by cell commanders."

The staff was staring at Dumbledore with expressions of disbelief and mutiny.

Exactly; for once, he and his colleagues were in agreement.

"We have five Dumbledore Aerial Defense cells, or D.A.D.s, and they have been training primarily for broom to broom combat, as well as maneuvers that will help cover the retreat of individuals caught too far from lines.

"There are four Dumbledore Immediate Ground Skirmishers, or D.I.G.S., who train themselves to ready at a moment's notice and immediately set out to surround attacking groups and harry them, hopefully providing enough distraction that their attention will be completely divided by the time a ground force arrives.

"There are three D.U.S.T.s-that stands for Dumbledore's Unified Soldiers' Trust, which are able to do ground maneuvers, though once again their primary purpose is to cover retreats and back older, presumably more competent wizards.

"We have two D.R.A.T.s-erp, I mean Dumbledore's Retrieval Action Teams-and their focus is retrieving injured from the battlefield, and returning them to the three D.A.M. units, and that stands for Dumbledore's Aiding Mediwizards.

"Out of the three remaining groups, there is one unit you will never get to know, the D.I.N. unit, which is Dumbledore's Information Network. The two units you will probably work most closely with, well, depending on who you are, that is," Potter paused, and oddly enough, grinned at Professor Sprout. "are the D.I.S.S. and the six D.A.P.P.L.E. units. D.I.S.S. stands for Dumbledore's Insider Solutions and Strategies, and that is the group composed of the various group leaders. D.A.P.P.L.E, stands for Dumbledore's Academy for Private Partisans' Last Embankment." Potter laughed and shook his head. "I don't even know who came up with that name, it's half incoherent..."

Would you like me to review a story?


Comment with a link, the title, the fandom (it does not need to be the fandoms I listed in my 'how I review' post, though I might not read it if it isn't), and the author's summary. It can be your story or another's, I don't mind. This is partly an excuse to find more to read, as I am a bookworm with a healthy appetite.


Please note that I will NOT read outright PWPs. That is: no outright porn. If there is sex in the story, that's fine, but I don't want to be linked to something that is only sex.

A review is not a recommendation nor is it a critique. A review is simply what I think of the story and my thoughts for others about the story. Because I'm writing for other people, I will always begin with a brief introduction to the fic, covering what I feel are the important parts. Then I will speak of the strengths and weaknesses and end with a summary opinion. It's not very difficult to follow. :P

I use a point system from -5 to +5, where -5 stories are those that I loathe: they are poorly written with terrible plots and no redeeming qualities. +5 stories are well constructed with good mechanics and a thought-out plot and very little poor qualities. Stories receive 0 points if I have nothing to say about them or if I have not read them. The only one that comes immediately to mind is "Death Eater Takes a Holiday", where I'm neither dissatisfied or impressed and the quality is only so-so.

By the way, I'm a horrible snob.

There is a lot of bias when I read. I am not a fan of PWP. I like character vignettes. Oh, I love character! Violence and sex bore me unless they're crucial to the plot, and if not, I skip them over. Romance is not my first choice, neither are dark!fics, and I am fond of slash pairings when I do read romance. I quite like adventure stories where a slash pairing is center stage, but their romance is not the main theme. I prefer long stories to short ones, but I love it when a story is short because it doesn't need to say anymore, rather than dragging it out with multiple chapters and sequels because it is popular and/or comfortable.

I will read nearly anything, though I have my preferences. And, because I'm unfamiliar with the canon, I read little other than ASOUE, Harry Potter, Good Omens, Gundam Wing, Kim Possible, and Xena stories. There is a chance I might diversify, but I've read very little outside of these fandoms.